OK, this is less of a rant than a “making fun of” list. If any of you actually like country music, I apologize in advance. I hate it. Thus, my list of country music songs I want to hear in the future. Hey, this is the sort of shit I hear in my head when country is on the radio.
1. Night of the Horse Fucker
2. Blood, Sweat and Beers
3. My Baby Left Me For a Rodeo Clown
4. Drunk, Abducted and Probed
5. My Buddy, Beer
6. I Ain’t Never Had the Clap, but I Have Had Beer Nuts
7. Sweet Sally Twangsalot
8. Momma Loved Seamen
9. Chickens is too Small
10. Montana Mullet
11. Roadkill Blues
12. Jesus Drove a Chevy
13. The Ballad of One-Ball
14. Rodeo Jihad
15. Belt Buckle Buckaroo
16. Spurs, Chaps and Vaseline
17. Mad Jack’s Nut Sack
18. Me and my Mule
19. Tractor-Pullin’ for Pleasure
20. Stinky Jones and the Devil’s Half-Ton
21. Elvis Boned my Sister
22. Hawgs n’ Dawgs
23. .45 Caliber Hoe-Down
24. Buckin’ Bales and Goin’ to Jail
25. The Great Beer Drought of ’86
26. Skeeter the Fudgepacker
27. Bottle Blondes is Liars
28. Me, the Lord and our Flatbed Ford
29. Gawd, I Wish I Hadn’t Found Jesus
30. Hank Spanked a Skank